Monday, March 31, 2008

Alberta Closed For Renovations

alberta closes borders

As you’ve probably already heard, the Alberta provincial government announced last Wednesday that the province would be shutting down its borders for the next 18 months beginning April 2nd 2008.

The announcement was made after repeated complaints by citizens that the economy was growing too fast, salaries increasing too rapidly (along with housing values) and that the higher demand for oil was contributing to a sense of ‘overwhelm’ in the province of 3.48 million people.

The government reacted after receiving requests such as these from its Eastern neighbors, from Newfoundland Irene Casey said “ It’s been nearly 12 days since I’ve seen by husband Tim and our son Ryan”. The two set off to work in the manufacturing supplies center NE of Edmonton. They aren’t due back for another 3 days, but Mrs. Casey is feeling nervous after receiving a telephone message from husband Tim.

“Don’t bother boiling any ‘taters for Ryan and me. We sent our first cheque back for $21,000 (2 weeks work) and are staying on for another month so we can pay of the mortgage”.

A message from an anonymous MP in Ontario read…

“We would rather slip into recession than have Alberta stoke the nation’s economy- please stop employing our unemployed, we want to keep them here and as miserable as possible”

The list of hate mail grew. Disgruntled Saskatchewanites chimed in, threatening the province to “back off and share some of the wealth. ‘Cause if you don’t we’ll embed all males between the ages of 14 and 45 under the skin with self destructing chips that will detonate whenever a Saskatchewanite tries to cash a pay cheque earned in Alberta”

B.C. said that Albertans looking for vacation homes on the sunny West Coast would now be charged a ‘Yankee Tax’, forcing ‘rich’ Albertans to pay 12 times the price for property in B.C. that B.C. residents would. New (Albertan) residents would be required to garden in the nude for the first 3 years as well.

But perhaps the worst news of all is that Albertan’s will be forced to eat a vegetarian diet, walk to work and make all their own electricity by using hand held generators for the next 18 months. What will this do for property values?

April Fools' Day or All Fools' Day, though not a holiday in it's own right, is a notable day celebrated in many countries on April 1.

The day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes of varying sophistication on friends, enemies and neighbors, or sending them on fools' errands, the aim of which is to embarrass the gullible.

Sign up for more newsletters from Glenn Simon Inc. Alberta Real Estate Specialists.

No comments: